Nicklaus Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic.

We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus more...

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
" I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the more...

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album's gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"
Nicklaus replies, "Not too bad. I m not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that worked out now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
"But I thought you're blind! How can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball more...

Part 2 (Languages) - (Original author: nobody@hangout. rutgers. edu)
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The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by the programming language (s)he uses.
Real Programmers use FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of PASCAL,
gave a talk once at which he was asked, "How do you pronounce your name?" He replied, "You can call
me either by name, pronouncing it' Veert', or call me by value' Worth'." One can tell immediately from this
comment that Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only parameter passing mechanism endorsed by Real
Programmers is call-by-value-return, as implemented in the IBM/370 FORTRAN-G and H compilers. Real
programmers don't need all these abstract concepts to get their job done - they are perfectly happy with
a keypunch, a FORTRAN IV compiler and a beer.
- Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN.
- more...

In the 2000 PGA Championship, Woods and Nicklaus were playing together. At the par-3 8th hole, Woods hit a 9-iron to ten feet. Nicklaus hit a 6-iron, his ball actually hitting Wood's ball on the green. He turned to Tiger and said. "Turn your club upside down so it looks like we both used the same club."

>> The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin
>> Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
>>
>> "Your Holiness" said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to
>> challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical
>> spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
>>
>> The Pope thought is was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club
>> in his hand. "Have we not," he asked "a cardinal who can represent me
>> against the leader of Israel?"
>>
>> "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added,
>> "there is a man named Jack Nicklas, an American golfer who is a devout
>> Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play
>> Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to
>> showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match.
>> Everyone more...

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.
We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres!!??"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Palmer."