Nine Jokes / Recent Jokes

A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse.He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept;He crept up close to the wall;He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall.He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay;But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray.At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said;She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed.She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head;The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed.From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck;The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck.She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as cool as a more...

December 14thDearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes--------------------------------------December 15thDearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes--------------------------------------December 16thDear John: Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind. Love Agnes---------------------------------------December 17thToday the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes----------------------------------------December 18thDearest John: What a surprise! Today more...

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime.
The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false."
The physicist: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. It must be true."
The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."

The Red Sox agreed to terms with Brad Penny. He would have signed with the Yankees, but they said his name indicates that he's nine million dollars and ninety nine cents below their pay grade.

Never had a headcold in her life since diseases can’t exist in a vacuum.
Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world. - Van Jacobson
Nice house but not much furniture / nobody lives there.
Nine pence in the shilling.
Nine rooms; no furniture.
Nineteen cents short of a paradigm.
No charge in her synapses.
No coins in the old fountain.
No filter in the coffeemaker.
No grain in the silo.
No hands on the rudder/yoke.
No hay in the loft.
No one at the throttle.
No wind in her mind’s windmills.
Not all his dogs are barking.

Steroid use among young girls is on the rise. Girls as young as nine are taking steroids. Remember when girls were sugar and spice and everything nice? Now they’re strong as a bear with facial hair….

Top nine reasons computers must be male: They have a lot of data but are still clueless. A better model is always just around the corner. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. It is always necessary to have a backup. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. The best part of having either one is the games you can play. The lights are on but nobody's home. Big power surges knock them out for the night. Size does matter