Nine Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister was sitting reading the newspaper, and listening to the ball game on the television when his beautiful nine year old daughter ran into the room, jumped onto his lap and asked:
"Daddy? Who is God?"
"Sweetheart, that will be the subject of tonights sermon, can you wait' till church tonight, listen to what I have to say and then make your own decisions, or would you really like to discuss it now?"
"Yeah--I can wait daddy thanks" and off she ran to play with the dog.
Later at church, all is quite and the minister starts his sermon. Throwing his right arm in the air and shouts: "GOD" and then a little softer voice, and lowering his arm "is neither man---- nor woman" and looks around at the congregation.

All is quite with the exception of a few "Praise the lords" & "Amen brothers." After a slight pause the preacher again throws his right arm in the air and again shouts: more...

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it more...

Five Mexican fishermen set out for a routine fishing trip, nine months later, three returned. The boat was set adrift and floated for nine months. In the meantime, two of the fishermen starved to death because they were the worst fishermen ever. When suggested that they could fish for food, they replied, "I'm not really into to seafood. What else is around here?"

A sardarji asked his son,' What is nine multiplied by eight?' The boy replied,' It is 74.'
Sardarji patted the boy and took out a piece of chocolate and gave it to him.
On seeing this his neighbour said,' Nine multiplied by eight is equal to 72, and not 74 as the boy said.'
Sardarji replied,' He is improving, yesterday, he was saying it is 88.'

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting.
When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the
meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk.
While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and
became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a
lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation and
asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied "I'm on the 7th
hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole".
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with
the same request. She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you
must be on the 13th". Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went into the club house where he more...

What Exactly Is Marriage?
“Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents” -Eric, six years old
“When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me. ’ Then she says yes, but she’s wondering what the thing is and whether it’s naughty or not. She can’t wait to find out. ” -Anita, nine years old
How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
“You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one. ” -Kelly, nine years old
“My mother says to look for a man who is kind…. That’s what I’ll do…. I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome. ” -Carolyn, eight years old
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a more...

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.