Ninety-year-old Jokes

A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce." The judge says, "You've been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?" The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies."

A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce." The judge says, "Youve been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?" The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

Several members of a temperance league approached a ninety-year-old teetotaler for a testimonial declaring that his longevity was due to a life of abstention from alcohol.

The old gentleman said he would be pleased to sign such a statement and was in the process of making his mark when sounds of a riotous party came from an adjacent room. "My God, what's that?" gasped one of the visitors.
"Oh, that's just my dad," the teetotaler laughed. "He's probably getting drunk again."

You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year-old man after the examination.
"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint-my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"
The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.
"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."
"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year-old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider' high'?"
"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."