Noah Jokes / Recent Jokes

And Remember:
Noah's Ark was built by an amateur;
the Titanic, by professionals.

The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until
the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want
you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the
blueprints for the ark."
Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall.
Noah sat in his front yard, weeping.
"Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord.
"Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things
happened.
"The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to
change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance
by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience..
"The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a
state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals.
"The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning more...

One: Don't miss the boat.Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old someone may ask you to do something really big.Five: Don't listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be done.Six: Build your future on high ground.Seven: For safety's sake travel in pairs.Eight: Speed isn't everything. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.Nine: When you're stressed, float awhile.Ten: Remember the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God there's always a rainbow waiting.

Q: Why couldn't the animals on Noah's Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
Fished, but he didn`t catch much. He only had two worms!

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
Don't listen to critics - do what must be done.
Build on high ground.
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Two heads are better than one.
Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles.
Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain-shovel!
Stay below deck during the storm.
The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat...
No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.Don't listen to critics - do what must be done.Build on high ground.For safety's sake, travel in pairs.Two heads are better than one.Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles.Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain-shovel! Stay below deck during the storm.The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat...No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.