Nobody Jokes / Recent Jokes
"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID 5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank."
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I more...
There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her: "Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?" She looks around to make sure nobody's watching, leans down, and hugs him. The man thinks, "Wow, I can't believe that worked!", and decides to try it again. Another woman runs by him, and he calls out to her: "Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?" She looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss. The man is amazed at how well this is working out for him! The next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her: " Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?" The woman looks around to make sure nobody's watching her, leans down, more...
An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"Nobody answered him.He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"Again nobody answered.The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"
An old Indian lined up all of his ten sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" And again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. Little Indian tell truth, I no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
The littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff. "
The old Indian then shakes him, spanks him, does everything he can to punish him. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down."
A Beatle's Computer Parody
Unix Man
--------
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX. plans
For nobody.
Knows the blocksize from du(1)
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?
UNIX Man, please listen(2)
My lpd(8) is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command.
He's as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me
At all?
UNIX Man, don't worry
Test with time(1), don't hurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX. plans
For nobody. ..
Making all his UNIX. plans
For nobody.
Mr. Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy. One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazywhen to the policeman and she said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting" Thenthe policeman look at her then he said "What are youtalking about?" Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody are fighting"Then the policeman said "What? Are you crazy?" Then she said "Yes but howdid you know my name?"