Normal Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems that when God was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?" but the Lord was very adamant that was all man could have. Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years", he protested, "Ten is plenty for me." Man spoke up eagerly. "Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed. Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey, wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?" The lion said of course he could. Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years - but like the others, ten was sufficient - and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?" This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass more...

What type of Asian are you?
Girls, take this test to find out
Guys, or scroll down. GIRLS 1. On a typical Friday night, you're most likely to be seen at: A) pool hall
B) the mall
C) at home, getting an early start on homework
D) cafe shop
E) your friend's house, having a sleepover 2. Your normal everyday wear is: A) tight shirts, spaghetti straps, baggy jeans, and extra dark lipstick
B) lots and lots of makeup - to impress the guys of course
C) thick glasses, long sun dresses, penny loafers, or sandals
D) high pumps, expensive designer clothes and tons of jewelry
E) college or Mickey Mouse sweatshirts with blue jeans 3. You usually give out your number when: A) almost never, guys get scared off by your mean looks
B) any foine guy happens to ask for it
C) never - you're not supposed to talk to guys
D) there's money floating around him
E) any white guy asks for it 4. When you go to the mall, you: A) give menacing more...

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth. You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...

A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self- adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

* more...

A person realized that he is overweight and went to see a doctor. The doctor called him and asked “How are you Amda? What the problem today? ” Then Amda replied “I feel I’m getting over weight. I want to drop this weight”. The doctor examine and advised him “run eight kilometers a day for 300 days to drop back to normal weight”
After 300 days, the doctor received a phone call around mid night. “Thank you doctor” “I have got back to my normal weight”. “But I have a problem”. "What's the problem? " the doctor asked. Then Amda replied "I'm 2400 km s away from home."

1 You have ever said "Netter is god".
2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
3 You own a 4 color pen
4 -it just isn`t enough colors for you
5 You use more than one color to take notes
6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
8 you retype handouts given in class
9 you haven`t had a date in 3 months
10 you haven`t had a date since entering med school
11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for
something because you were thinking of the medical term (ie
reflux for heartburn)
12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn`t understand the question
17 - you didn`t believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were more...

1. We are always clean.
2. We are totally comfortable saying, "I'll show you my breast if you show me your fly."
3. Bathing suits. Need I say more?
4. We WILL last the longest.
5. We know several different paces.
6. We LiKE it wet.
7. We will never hesitate to get on our backs.
8. We're good with our hips.
9. We never have any extra "baggage" in places where there isn't supposed to be any.
10. Not only do we put on latex fast and easy, but we go through enough of it in one year to cover our wallpaper with it.
11. We aren't always looking to "score" like all other athletes.
12. We don't "play games."
13. We go in hard, pull out fast, and come out wet.
14. We won't give up when we're tired.
15. Why would we want to play with balls???
16. We find it normal to jam a piece of styrafoam between our legs.
17. We dont like to wear pants.
18. We can hold our breath for long periods of more...