Normal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...

1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencil in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!' YES'.. OK, BYE'.
She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.
3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal: cock-a-doodle-dooo! !!
Retarded: doodle-cock-a-dooo! !!
Gay: any-cock-will dooo! !!
4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl.
Hi,.... I'm Peter, not a SAINT.
I'm Paul not a POPE.
I'm John not a BAPTIST...
The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.
5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Taste good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute, why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5, 000 COCKS LAST more...

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
Bill Gates.
MacGyver.
Damien Harding
Nick Welsh
Matt Nicol (even though he is not an more...

Gary and Lorne were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Lorne's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.
"Wow," Gary said.
"I've never seen one like that before."
"Like what?"
Lorne said.
"All twisted like a corkscrew," Gary said.
"Well, what's yours like?"
Lorne said.
"Straight, like normal," Gary said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Lorne said.
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.
"What did you do that for?"
asked Lorne.
"Shaking off the excess drops," replied Gary.
"Like normal."
"Cripes," Lorne said.
"And all these years I've been wringing it."

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
How smart they are.
How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex - and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something more...

Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a more...

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing more...