Normally Jokes / Recent Jokes

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to more...

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, more...

Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.

One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him. Finally, the bartender’s curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks down to where the ugly man is. The bartender says, “Please don’t get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn’t help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I’ve ever seen. In fact, you’re quite ugly. Now, normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you’re dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it’s not the money. Tell me, sir, what is it about you that these women are so crazy about? ” The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, “I haven’t the foggiest idea. ” One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with more...

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessaryuntil the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or more...

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is more...

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on company business.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Sacramento but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Denver, then travel to Denver will be substituted for travel to Sacramento.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued safety vest inside out, and you will notice that it now says "VALET PARKING ATTENDANT" over the left breast pocket. more...