North Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Once again, North Korea has defied the will of the international community and the international community will respond," Bush said. He was then seriously injured when he was crushed by the immense irony of his statement.

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. "Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said. "What fer?" asked Pyle. "Shorter hours." "Good fer them!" said the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

Happy 230th Birthday America. May the next 230 be even more prosperous and a lot browner.
- Mexican President Vicente Fox
Happy July 4th to the American people from your neighbor to the north (that's Canada, in case you've forgotten).
- Prime Minister Stephen Harper
On behalf of all our citizens I'd like to wish David Hasselhoff a speedy recovery from his recent injury. Oh, and also happy July 4th, America.
- Gerhard Schroder, Chancellor of Germany
Wish to express birthday wishes to good friend America. Have special present for you. Will be sending by airmail. LOL.
- Kim Jong Il of North Korea, via Blackberry
Happy Jew-lie 4th to the Jew-loving Americans and that Jew-loving Bush, who's probably a Jew.
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran
I would like to wish the American people health and happiness on their day of independance. As a gesture of goodwill, we will be sending back Michael. Do not argue. We insist.
- Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa, more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us...
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:
"These more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.Please read the following carefully.I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us...1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and more...

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.

A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"

The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says, "What's meat?"

The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?"

The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

BREAKING NEWS: BUSH SEEKS TO ENJOIN SANTA FROM CHECKING LIST TWICE
Lack of Standards Decried
Austin, TX (Dec. 13)-Attorneys for President-Elect George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit filed in Federal District Court in Austin, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, more...