Nothing Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Law of Volunteering
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Weiler's Law
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Law of Volunteer Labor
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Conway's Law
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Iron Law of Distribution
Them that has, gets.
Law of Cybernetic Entomology
There is always one more bug.
Law of more...
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were Faithful wives, however, they were over- enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to do that. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck more...
"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...
Teacher:"Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."
Pappu: "Ok Sir, You please squeeze out all the toothpaste and put back it into the tube again."
You didn't find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar. You don't have to go to the grocery store for a year. You invited the local football team over to eat twice this week, and you still have food left! You have no savings left because you used it to prepare. You spent the first week of the new year digging up all your valubles. You went to the bank on Monday and deposited $2000 of one and five dollar bills. You went ahead and had your water shut off, so you could use your stored bottled water. You were depressed because nothing happened !!
"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?" "They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing."
"Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out more...