Nothing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

While cruising at 36, 000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window." Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?" The pilot confirmed that they were. The more...

While cruising at 40, 000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Smith looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just caught fire!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine caught fire on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached one of the packages to their backs. "Say," an alert passenger spoke up, "aren't those parachutes?" The pilot said they were. The more...

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

There are only two things to worry about. Either you are sick or you are well. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you re sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you live or you die. If you live there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there are two things to worry about. Either you go to heaven or you go to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so busy greeting old friends you won't have time to worry!

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: General Practitioners know nothing and do little. Surgeons know little and do everything. Internists know everything and do nothing. Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.