Nuclear Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.

Thanks to Victor for this joke, laughed so hard I fell over...
Since I couldn? t find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself.

There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush.

Part A? Either Candidate
Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says?..
a. Iran
b. Iraq
c. North Korea
d. Afghanistan
e. Sudan
f. Libya
g. Axis of Evil
h. Gay Marriage
i. United Nations
j. Tax Cuts

Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says??
a. Saddam Hussein
b. Osama Bin Ladden
c. Al Qaeda
d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center
e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction
f. Homeland Security
g. Nuclear Proliferation
h. If either candidate doesn? t answer the question given to more...

North Korea test a nuclear bomb.
N.Korean officials said that they named the bomb the "Madeline" to honor the former Secretary of State who successfully brokered the non nuclear proliferation agreement.

- How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?- None. People that glow in the dark dont need lights.

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane. He turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about Nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't Know about shit?"

Once Pervez Musharaf invited the Indian prime minister to Pakistan, to show the Pakistani technology.
In the Pakistani parliament, on one side there was indian prime minister and on the other side was pakistan's prime minister. In the Pakistan prime minister's chair there were three buttons. Musharaf asked the Indian prime minister to press the three buttons one by one and after pressing each button he got a punch.
Then the Indian prime minister invited musharaf to India. Same position with Musharaf there where 3 buttons on his seat. After pressing each button Musharaf didn't feel anything. Musharaf was so angry and he told the Indian Prime minister that I am going back to pakistan. THEN THE INDIAN PRIME MINISTER LAUGHED AND REPLIED WHICH PAKISTAN? YOU HAVE ALREADY LAUNCHED 3 NUCLEAR MISSILES AND IT IS NOW NO MORE!!!!

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE. EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like--we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore. How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead? There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza! How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship? There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana! How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead? Throw in a lawn sprinkler! Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs? To diaper their skyscrapers! Why do policemen have toilets? So that yaks will disobey them! What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana? An angry nurse! What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?" Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!"What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?" more...