Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? A pecking order.

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone." Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved." Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?" said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father more...

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser." To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood... sure enough he drops the other bar of soap.
The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing tug then yells

"Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand more...

Whats the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked,' Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied,' He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,' I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq. .'

The nun said,' I understand completely.'

The soldier added,' I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied,' If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either.

This guy walks in to a bar. He has a few and gets loaded. Another guy says "Hey buddy, want ten bucks?" And of course, the reply is yes. He says "Either you screw a nun, or pull out a rottwieler's loose tooth. Your choice. Then I'll give you your ten bucks.." You gotta remember, this guy's drunk. He says he'll pick the rottweiler. So he goes in to a room and there's a bunch of banging around in the room and finally the guy walks out bleeding. He then says "Wow! That sure was tough. Will you pay me twenty buck if I go see the nun with the loose tooth?"

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"