Object Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time...
There lived a king. The King had a
beautiful daughter, the Princess.
But the kingdom was a sad place.
There was no laughter, and no joy.
The problem was, that
everything the Princess touched would melt.
No matter what, metal, wood...
anthing she touched would melt!!
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his
beautiful daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your
daughter touches one thing that
does not melt in her hands, she
will be cured."
The King was overjoyed. The next
day, he held a competition. Any man
who could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt at her
touch, would marry her and inherit
the King's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first Prince brought a very hard
alloy of titanium.
When the more...

Golf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment - normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. For the most effective play, the club owner should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in denied permission to play the course again. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers. Players are encouraged not to mention other courses they have played, or are more...

From page 468 of "Using Turbo C++" by Herbert Schildt:
REMEMBER: The private parts of an object are accessible only by functions
that are members of that object.
Well, there goes free love...

An Indian man has spent many days crossing Montana without water.

His horse dies of thirst. He`s crawling through the grass, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the dirt, and discovers what looks be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a Bureau of Indian Affairs badge and dull grey suit. There`s
a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I`m not falling for this." says the man. "I`m not going to trust a B. I. A. employee."

"What do you have to lose? You`ve got no transportation, and It looks like you`re a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and more...

A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take
it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"

The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."

The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps keeps cold things cold."

The blonde says, "I'll take it!"

The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?"

She said, "It's a thermos."

The boss then says, "What does it do?"

She replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"

The blonde replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"

"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."

"I object!" the defense said again.

"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."

The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."

So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."