Objectives Jokes / Recent Jokes

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
Straighten it. Ignore it. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction: Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation Important social contacts A feeling of connectedness with other humans In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions: Get it over with as soon as possible Avoid getting invited to something more...

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you more...

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2. 362x]. If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x... Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x? Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready + when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds. There is more...

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Theology is a game whose object is to bring rules into the subjective.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly
overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him
this test to discern the truth.
THE ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
1. Straighten it.
2. Ignore it.
3. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It
depends." in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS - Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
stimulating and thought-provoking conversation, more...

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.