October Jokes / Recent Jokes

Below is an item that appeared recently in various Humor lists. It did not appear credible to me, so I wrote to the Association of Trial Lawyers of America for their comments on its veracity. Their comments (including a little propaganda for their side) follow the summary of the Stella Awards below. We may have some "goofy" legal decisions in America, but the ones below appear to be bogus.
Origin of the Stella Awards:
In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture more...

STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES
BULLETIN NO. 981059
DATE: October 21, 2000
TO: All Ohio Vehicle Owners
FROM: Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 69-13, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after Oct. 21, 2000 will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. Ohio DMV Act 69-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning October 21, 2000, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the more...

The Tampa Bay Rays have set a new postseason record for steals in the month of October. The last time Florida was involved in this much fall thievery was the 2000 presidential elections.

WORLD'S EASIEST
QUIZ!
FOR ALL OF YOU THAT WILL NEVER MAKE "WHO WANTS TO BE A
MILLIONAIRE"
OR EVEN "THE WEAKEST LINK"...HERE'S THE WORLD'S
EASIEST QUIZ! (Passing
requires 4 correct answers)
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5)
What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific
are named after what
animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
All done? Check your answers below!
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ANSWERS TO THE
QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country
makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get more...

ARES (March 21 to April 19):
Chickens born under the sign of Ares are natural leaders possessing a pioneering determined spirit, who wish to make their mark on the world. They cross the road to assert themselves and seek action, daring and adventure.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20):
Taurus chickens are strong willed and have a down to earth attitude toward life. They are overly interested in material things and have a real need for security. They feel unsettled unless comfortable. They will cross only if there is more security on the other side or to obtain material possessions.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20):
They are highly restless and are always seeking a wide variety of contrasting experiences. They cross because they do not know what is on the other side and to avoid the boredom of their mundane existence.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22):
While having a tough shell-like exterior, Cancer chickens are very sensitive and vulnerable. They have very delicate emotions, more...

In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off of a
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

October's horoscope, from the official tabloid paper of the Virtual
Village over on bit.listerv.politics, THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS.
Cast and reported by me, Tabloid Kerry, Your Virtual Reporter.
For entertainment purposes only.
THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS "Hey, it's words,
punctuation marks,
paragraphs-practically
the New York Times!"