Odds Jokes / Recent Jokes

The odds a man will attend a WNBA game this year are 1 in 168.2. And the odds he'll do so willingly are 1 in no freaking way.

A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was 1 in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds.
One day a colleague met him at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"
"No, I flew"
"What about your the possibiltiy of a bomb?"
Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So, now I bring my own bomb along!"

Throughout numerous cultures, the concept of the devil has been a constant, yet his name has varied. For instance, In German legend he has been called Krumnase meaning "crooked nose", Ziegenbart meaning "goatbeard", Spiegelglanz meaning "mirror-sight" and finally Shortzenanklez meaning "guy with shorts around his ankles".
Where the odds of getting hit by lightning are almost 1 in a million, the odds are only 1 in 5 that some day you'll get rear-ended in a parking lot by a guy named "Herb".
Although hard to believe, of 1000 proctologists polled, over 79% say that in any given work day, they use the word "AND" far more than they use the word "BUT".
Of 3 million women movie-goers polled, 2.1 million stated that what a date orders at the snack bar can provide an initial indication of that person as a sexual partner. All 2.1 million stated that a date who orders Goobers has "no chance in more...

GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobile gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, more...

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags
Detroit-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market
down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win
airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in
all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997
sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super
Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car more...