Offer Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to' love, honor and obey' and' be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and more...
Sindhis are known both for their sharp practices as well as for their clannishness: they drive hard bargains but also help fellow Sindhis to find employment.
A Sindhi businessman on a visit to Hong Kong wanted to have a silk suit made and went to a Sindhi tailor's shop at the airport, which advertised suits made to measure in a couple of hours.
The visiting businessman selected the material and asked how much it cost.
The tailor replied:' Sir, seeing you are a fellow Sindhi I will offer you a special price. A suit of this material costs 200 Hong Kong dollars, as you can see clearly marked on the label. I charge everyone else two hundred dollars but not a fellow Sindhi. I won't ask for 190 dollars not even 180 dollars. For you it will be 170 dollars, not a cent more.'
'Why should you lose money on me just because I happen to be a fellow Sindhi,' replied the visitor.' So what should I offer for this suit? Seventy dollars? That I would to a more...
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
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Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
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Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
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German Shepherd - 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
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1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer
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Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
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Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
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2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
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Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, more...
The president of the Festive Foods Corporation was included in a papal audience and he took the opportunity of making a business proposition to the Pope; that if he could arrange for the Lord's Prayer to be changed from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily turkey" throughout the whole of Advent and Christmas. In exchange the Festive Foods Corporation would give £20 million to Catholic charities. The Pope declined his offer. A few weeks later the man called the Pope and upped the offer to £50 million; but once again it was turned down. A few weeks before the beginning of Advent the man came back to the Pope with an astonishing offer of £100 million. The Pope considered all the good works that could be done with such a large amount of money and decided to go ahead. The next day he called a special meeting of the Cardinals to let them know about the situation. "Well" said the Pope. "I have good news and bad news. The good more...
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of' em.
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell' em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy' em!)
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send' em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob.. . you get the idea)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever more...
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million; this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"