Office Jokes / Recent Jokes

The boss was in a quandary; he had to get rid of one of his staff.
He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.
He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.
Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over
after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like sh*t."

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.
The day came, and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right. The first man replied, "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no fore-warning
that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir," he asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular clich? more...

This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money... and I *must* get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her."
The clerk replies "Anything?"
"Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde.
He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..."
She does.
"Take it out... go ahead."
She does this as well.
She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead.. do it.."
She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to inquire why.They received this short and simple explantion: "The bag ain't full yet."

The "Macy's One Day Sale" Flu.
The "Drivers License Renewal Appointment" 24-Hour Virus.
The "Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early" Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.
The "I'm Looking for a New Job and I Don't Know How Long
It's Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until
Then" Mysterious Infection.
The "My Boyfriend's Got the Week Off So Suddenly I'm Too
Contagious To Come In To The Office" Disease.
The "I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn't Make Evening
Appointments" Bout of Influenza.
The "There's No Federal Holidays for Two Months and I Want
a Day Off" Sickness.
The "It's Spring Break and I Want To Pretend I'm a Teenager
Again" General Ailment.
The "I've Screwed Up Royally and I Won't Come In To Face
the Music" Terminal Illness.

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal more...

One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident"
Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.