Officer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was pulled over by West Virginia State Highway Patrolmen, for speeding.
When the officer approaches the car, the is hoping to get out of the ticket, so she asks, "So can I buy tickets to the west virgina highway patrol's ball?"
The officer answers "Ma'am, west virginia highway patrol men don't have balls."
Suffice to say, the woman did not get a ticket.

there was a blonde red head and a burnette they all escaped from prison and the copes came to find them they hid in a cornfield and the officer kicks the red head and says "WOOF" "WOOF" the officer says it is just a stoopid dog goes to the burnette the officer kicks the burnette and the burnette says "MEOW" "MEOW" the officer goes over to the blonde kicks the blond and the blonde saya "potatoes" "potatoes"

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."

"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."

A few moments later a second man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."

"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."

A few moments later a third man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your more...

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down." Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey." What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth." They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth." They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing." "They were kissing, more...

On his way to JFK to fly to Zurich, a businessman stopped off at a bank in
downtown NYC and asked for an immediate loan of $5, 000. The loan officer
squinted, needing collateral. "Here, take the keys to my Rolls," the man
offered. The loan was promptly issued, and the car was secured in the
bank's underground parking area for safekeeping.
Two weeks later, the man returned to settle up his loan and reclaim his
Rolls. "That will be $5, 000 in principal plus $15. 40 in interest," the
loan officer reported. The man wrote out a check and started to walk
away.
"Please, sir," the loan officer interjected, "while you were gone, I found
out that you are a multimillionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow $5, 000?"
The man smiled. "Where else in Manhattan could I find secured parking for
two weeks for only $15. 40?"

The following are actual incidents reported...#1A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.#2A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.#3A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. more...

Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance.. .? Officer: M. P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir? Officer: Mental Problems