Offspring Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; andWhereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; andWhereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; andWhereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; andWhereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the more...

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St.Nicholas would arrive; andWhereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; andWhereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; andWhereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; andWhereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the more...

There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws' place.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law, "When my son comes, do not call up my office and say that I have become a father of a boy because I'll have to shell out a lot for parties. Just leave me a message that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby."
The offspring does finally arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks to himself, "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand and think that something has happened to the baby and come rushing over."
So the father-in-law left the following message: "The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing."

Whereas, on an occasion immediately
preceding the Nativity festival,
throughout a certain dwelling unit,
quiet descended, in which could be heard
no disturbance, not even the sound
emitted by a diminutive rodent related
to, and in form resembling, a rat; and
Whereas, the offspring of the
occupants had affixed their tubular,
closely knit coverings for the nether
limbs to the flue of the fireplace in
expectation that a personage known as
St.Nicholas would arrive; and
Whereas, said offspring had become
somnolent, and were entertaining re:
saccharine-flavored fruit; and
Whereas, the adult male of the
family, et ux, attired in proper
headgear, had also become quiescent in
anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and
Whereas, a distraction on the snowy
acreage outside aroused the owner to
investigate; and
Whereas, he perceived in a most
unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled
by eight domesticated more...