Omaha Jokes

Moishe the Cowboy
In the early 1800`s, Moishe had to go to Omaha on business.
He went to the stagecoach office and asked, "How much ah teeket to Omaha?" The clerk responded, "five dollars". "Too much!" he complained. "Anyvay, I ain`t got $5, I only got $2, so dere!". "Well you ain`t goin ta Omaha for $2, so forget it!" said the clerk. "Liss`n, I got ta get ta Omaha. I got vely imput`n buiness dere. Pliess! Maybe you could do sumtink for me?" "I`ll tell you what I can do," said the clerk. "We need somebody to ride shotgun. Gimme the $2 and you could ride shotgun." "Vutaya talkin` ride shotgun? I need ta ride on da stegecoych!" said Moishe.
"No, No! You don`t understand!" said the clerk. "You ride up on the top with the driver. You hold this rifle and if you see any Indians, you shoot `em."
"Vut you talkin` shoot Indians? I ain`t never shot no more...

Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her sons shirts, so she had his name legally changed to "Machine Washable"?

After renovating its outdoor gallery, the Joslyn Art Museum in Omaha will rename sections of the parking area after famous artists. Visitors should be warned, however, that the Jackson Pollock spaces are a bitch to figure out.

Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so she had his name legally changed to "Machine Washable"?

The City of Omaha, NE has outlawed sledding for fear of lawsuits. The good news: the Supreme Court ruled we could have anal sex at home, so the middle schoolers have something to do instead.