Onion Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered."Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.""Whats a Midnight Special?""A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.""Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?""Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
You Know Someone Is From Hawaii If...
They have a separate circuit breaker for their rice cooker.
Only NOW they know that cilantro is the same as Chinese parsley.
They measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of their index finger. They know which market sells poi on which days.
They know that Char Sung Hut is closed on Tuesday.
They can handle shoyu with green mango, li hing mui gummy bears, raw egg on hot rice, and pearl tea (carnation milk in hot water with sugar) with creme crackers.
Their refrigerator has half-empty jar of mango chutney from the `95 Punahou Carnival.
The condiments at the table are shoyu, ketchup, chili peppah watah, and kimchee. Also, takuwan, Hawaiian salt, slice onion, and pickle onion. They go to Maui and their luggage home includes potato chips, manju, cream puffs, and guri guri for omiyage.
They think the four food groups are starch (rice), Spam, fried food, and fruit punch.
A balanced meal has three more...
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
New KGB Borscht, by Chef V. Pootine 2 quarts beef stock
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup cabbage, finely chopped
1 cup potatoes, diced
1/2 cup carrots, diced
1 stalk celery, minced
1 onion, chopped
1 1/2 cups canned tomatoes
1/2 cup juice (from can of beets)
1 cup cooked or canned beets, diced
1 teaspoon vinegar
chopped dill or parsley (for garnishing)
dollop sour cream a pinch of radioactive isotope polonium-210 In a large heavy pan, melt butter and lightly sauté cabbage, potatoes, carrots, celery and onion for approximately 5 minutes. Add beef stock. Blend canned tomatoes or press through a sieve until fine. Add pureed tomatoes and beet juice to stock. Cover and simmer over low heat until vegetables are firmly tender but not soft. At this point, add the polonium-210, being careful not to get it on any exposed skin, as you will die. Season well with salt and pepper and serve with a dollop of sour cream to your least favorite person.