Online Jokes / Recent Jokes
BACKUP - What you do when you run over a coon in the woods BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern BUG - The reason you give for calling out sick CACHE - Neede when you run out of food stamps CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker CRASH - When you go to Juniors party univited DIGITAL - The art of countining on you fingers DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer FAX - What you lie about to the IRS HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put ther hair KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie lives ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test ROM - Where the pope lives INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put ther hair KEYBOARD - Where you more...
A girl was calling her boyfriend because he wasn't online and she wanted him to be.
"Hello?" he said, groggily.
"I want you to get up and get your ass online." she said.
"How?"
"I don't know. Get a scanner if you need to. Just get your ass online!"
An online poker company has had it’s assets frozen by the Governmentand now says they are going to sue. The government said, “We thinkyou’re bluffing.”
Security experts and federal government authorities warn that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose. As a public service, we present the following list of "I Love You" variations and how to recognize them:
The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
The "Unrequited Love" virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus-a virus that it can never have-that it can no longer function.
The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.
The "Can't We Just Be Friends" virus makes your computer think it's interested in invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks.
The "One more...
Security experts and federal government authorities warn that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose. As a public service, we present the following list of "I Love You" variations and how to recognize them:
The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
The "Unrequited Love" virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus-a virus that it can never have-that it can no longer function.
The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.
The "Can't We Just Be Friends" virus makes your computer think it's interested in invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks.
The "One more...
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best
online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto
it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know
what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I
don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine year old next door
did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just
another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for
people. Anyway he's smarter then the more...
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They more...