Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young lady is in the hospital for an operation. She says, "Doc, how long after my operation will I have to wait until I can have sex again?" He says, "You know, Miss Stukowski, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy!"

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor." It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" says the priest. "What happened?" "You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!""I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One more...

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Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small more...

"A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because
her vaginal lips are much too large.
She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's
embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out.
The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three
roses carefully placed beside her bed.
Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I
asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
"Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody.
The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this
all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation,
and she had the operation done herself."
"Who is the third rose from?" she asked
"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn
unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times."
"Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks.
"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time."
"Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?
"It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."
She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"
"Of course I remember."
"Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the more...

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times." "Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks.
"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?" "Yes, that was really a terrible time."
"Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan? "It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."
She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?" "Of course I remember."
"Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did more...

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times.""Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks."Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?""Yes, that was really a terrible time.""Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?"It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?""Of course I remember.""Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no more...