Operator Jokes / Recent Jokes
This machine is subject to breakdown during periods of critical need. A special circuit in the machine called a "critical detector" senses the operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she is to use this machine.The "critical detector" then creates a malfunction proportional to the desperation of the operator. Threatening the machine with violence will only aggravate the situation. Likewise, attempts to use another machine may cause it to also malfunction. (They belong to the same union.) Keep cool and say nice things to the machine. Nothing else seems to work. Never let anything mechanical know you are in a hurry.
Two sisters, one a brunette and the other a blonde, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a couple of years, they find themselves in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull which will enable them to breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $500 to a ranch out west where a man has a prize bull for sale. As she’s leaving for the other ranch, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home. ”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, checks the bull out, and decides that she does want to buy it. The man tells her that she can buy it for $499, no less. She pays him and then drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She enters the telegraph office, and says, “I’d like to send my sister a telegram telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our more...
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"
The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. Dr. Cohen doesn't tell me anything!"
Two hunters are roaming through the woods when all of a sudden one of them grabs his throat and dies. The other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator "my friend just grabbed his throat and died!" "okay okay, calm down" replied the operator "go over to him fist and make sure that he is actually dead" "okay" replies the hunter. The phone goes silent, than a sudden bang from a gun is heard. "okay" says the hunter "now what?
Two hunters are walking through the woods. One hunter falls down, hits his head on a rock and gets knocked out. The other hunter freaks and gets out his cell phone and calls 911. When the operator picks up, the hunter says "Help! My buddy fell down and hit his head on a rock. He's not moving! I think he's dead!" The operator says, "Okay, but before we send someone out, you have to make sure he's dead first."
The hunter says okay and puts down the phone. The operator hears a gun shot. The hunter picks up the phone and says, "Okay, I made sure he's dead, now what?"
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tyre. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination. ”
The computer programmer said: “We have here the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tyre and continue our drive. ”
The computer operator said: “First of all, let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem. ”
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again. ”
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"