Operator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tips for calling a business that has an answering service. When you get the answering service, please remember these vital tips.
1) When you call a lockout company, make sure you give the operator the telephone number on your account. It's considered proper procedure for the locksmith to drive to the office to look up an alternate number where you'll be at, and then drive to you. I believe it's quicker that way too.
2) After giving your last name to the operator on the line, and they ask for your first, It's ok to just say Mr or Mrs. Your voice can be deceiving as some people just may not have hit puberty by age 45.
3) If you're calling your apartment complex because your toilet is overflowing and you cant shut the water off, please go and get some coffee. The maintenance people dont need you at home to get inside. that's what they make credit cards for.
4) If it's July, and your a/c hasnt worked for 2 months, please call at 2am. Our service reps are just switching more...

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "All right, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.
The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

3 blondes are attempting to change one light bulb. They did it so now one of the blondes said im gonna dial the 0 to alk to someone. The operator picks up and heres how they confersationa went.
operator:"hello. How may i help you."
blonde:"Yeah we are 3 blondes trying to fix a light bulb."
operator:"Well what do you need help with? You got a new bulb right?"
blonde:"Yeah"
operator:"You blondes switched the bulbs so the new one is in it right?"
blonde:" Yeah!"
operator:" So then whats the problem??"
blonde:" We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fall down."

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

A couple of Redneck hunters in the rural south are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, then she just fainted!"

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's
down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck!
What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her,
trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you
play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great
commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back
to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying
limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29,
and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
"Ribbit!" Scott Scheiman (408) 562-5572 Ungermann-Bass, Inc.