Operator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator."Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies."Okay, where do you live?""In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies."No, no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly."Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller: I`d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I`m sorry, there`s no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

* * *

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: Woven? Are you sure? Caller: Yes. That`s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

* * *

Caller: I`d like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room

* * *

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water.

* * *

Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.

* * *

Caller: I`d like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, more...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "Only bad luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won!
He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

There's these two guys out hunting in the woods and all of a sudden one of them just keels over and is lying motionless on the ground. So the other guy grabs his cell phone and dials 911. The emergency operator picks up and says, "911 emergency, please state your emergency," and the guy says, "Hey, I'm out here hunting with my buddie and he just keeled over, I think he's dead!" Then the emergency operator says, "Okay, jsut calm down. Now the first thing we need to know is if he's really dead." the guys says, "Okay, hold on." the operater hears silence on the phone for a second and then she hears a loud 'BANG!'
Then guy comes back and he says, "Now what?"

A little old lady called 911.
When the operator answered, she yelled: "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Republican on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed.
"I said there is a damn Republican on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Republican???"
"Because, you damn fool, if he were a Democrat, he'd be screwing somebody!"

1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
2. How to fund private space concerns:
This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, since congressmen more...

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.* * *Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: Woven? Are you sure? Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.* * *Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please. Operator: Where are you calling from? Caller: The living room* * *Caller: The water board please. Operator: Which department? Caller: Tap water.* * *Operator: How are you spelling that? Caller: With letters.* * *Caller: I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please. Operator: Do you have his name? Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.* * *Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please. Operator: You mean more...