Operator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan in New York City needed to call a nearby community from a pay phone.
"Deposit $1.85 please," instructed the operator. Pulling himself up to full
height and dropping into his thickest Texas drawl, he objected, "Ma'am, I'm
from Texas, and in Texas we can place a call to Hell and back for $1.85!"
"I understand, sir," retorted the operator, "but in Texas, that's a local call."
Dave Dodson
Richardson, TX

A man had four beautiful daughters in the age group of 17 to 20. The prospective son-in-law was told that he could select any one of the four. The eldest one was a telephone operator. The next one was a bank officer, the third a doctor, and the youngest a teacher. The boy selected the youngest and married her.
His friends asked him later why he preferred the youngest daughter when he had better options.
He replied,' The telephone operator is in the habit of saying "Wait please"; the bank officer of saying "Stand in the queue"; doctor will say "Relax and take it lightly"; but the school teacher will always say "Repeat, repeat.....".

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!"
The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."
But the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.
Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand! The only thing he says is' Here, kitty, kitty!!!' ".

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.


232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.


233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got more...

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister,''When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'' The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ''I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and more...

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital,
and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the Phone.
"Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; Her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?
The grandmother said, "No, I'm more...