Opportunity Jokes / Recent Jokes
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Other people`s tools work only in other people`s gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
People do not change, they only become more so.
People don`t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People who are resistant to ch
A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
HELP WANTED
Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was more...
1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student: I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.
2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".
3) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & > division of friends.
4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbours wife. Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out
5)Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep more...
Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance.
ADAM & EVE
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't
find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were
earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve
now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."
THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and more...