Oral Jokes / Recent Jokes
Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: YesJudge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral.
A man enters a bar and orders ten beer. He drinks them and orders ten more. The bartender asks:
'Why do you drink that much ?'
Man: 'today was the first time in my life I had oral sex'
Bartender: 'That's indeed a reason to celebrate'
Man: 'No, I'm trying to wash away the taste'
A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys." So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toliet. "How more...
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
11. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
13. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
14. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
15. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
16. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, more...
After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St.Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity." more...
*** Real courtroom transcipts... courtesy of real idiots. ***( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region. Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? A. No. Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? A. Picking them up in the air. Q. Where was the dog at this time? A. Attached to the ears. Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O. K.? What school do you go to? A. Oral. Q. How old are you? A. Oral. Q: Do you drink when you're on duty? A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk. Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant? A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch- and she did! Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.