Anal Jokes

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she's not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What in the hell is anal glaucoma?" he inquires.
"Well, I just can't see my ass coming to work today."

Two doctors opened an office in a small town, and put up a sign reading "Dr. Greene and Dr. Turner, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town council wasn't happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was unacceptable too, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." Still no go.
Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again.
Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal Retentives". Still no good.
How about "Minds and Behinds"? Once more, unacceptable.
Next they tried, "Lost Souls and Ass Holes". Still no go.
They even tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks" and "Loons and Moons", all of which were also unacceptable.
Nearing their wit's ends, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be more...

1. Why did God create woman?
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
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2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.
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3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.
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4. Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.
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5. What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
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6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.
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7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]HOLE weak.
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8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
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9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B. S. E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural more...

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