Order Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share, and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.
I am more...

(Order): Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
(Chaos): I am here, but my opposite is you.
(Order): Huh?
(Evil): Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
(Truth): My opposite is not here.
(Good): Is your opposite "Lies"?
(Truth): My opposite is "Void". He couldn't make it.
(Evil): )snicker( Figures!
(Order): Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
(Evil): Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
(Good): I have the cards.
(Evil): I've got the chips.
(Truth): I have the beer.
(Chaos): I have the cards!
(Order): Shut up.
...
(Order): Whose deal is it?
(Evil): Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
(Truth): It is Good's deal.
(Good): OK, five card draw... uh, everything is wild.
(Evil): How can anyone win if everything is wild?
(Good): No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
(Order): I like this game.
(Evil): more...

How to be a Good WifeExcerpted from a 1950's high school home economics textbookHave dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a life. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up the school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. Prepare the children. more...

Season's Greetings,
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavourable more...

A panda walks into a restaurant. The waiter takes his order.
When the order is ready, the waiter takes it to the panda.
The panda eats the meal pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and runs out of the restaurant.
The owner of the restaurant goes running after the panda.
When the owner finally catches up with the panda,
he asks why he shot the waiter? The panda tells the owner to look up panda in the dictionary. The owner goes back to the restaurant and looks up panda in the dictionary.
Under panda it said:
Eats shoots and leaves.