Osama Jokes / Recent Jokes

As far as we Americans know, Osama Bin Laden could, quite possibly, be right here in New York, posing as a cab driver, and we'd never know.

Kuttappan is an Indian. Kuttappan was bragging to his Boss one day, "You know..... I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone important and I'm sure I will know them. Tired of his boasting, his Boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan, how about Tom Cruise?" Kuttappan replies "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Kuttappan and his Boss fly out to Hollywood and knock, on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts," Hey Kutz!! Great to see you! You and your friend must come in and join me for lunch!" They have a blast of a time. Katie Holmes even personally packs 2 sets of Masala Dosas, which is of course specially made by their South Indian chef. They bid each other farewell. Although impressed, Kuttappan's Boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing Cruise was just lucky. Kuttappan says "No, no, you go ahead and just more...

Why doesn't Osama Bin Laedn have sex with any of his 5 wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs, he see's Bush!!!

As for what to do with Osama bin Laden:
Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest we do neither.
Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- more...

Q. What`s the difference between Elvis and Osama Bin Laden?
A. Osama is a dead man!
Q. What do Monica Lewinsky and Osama Bin Laden have in common?
A. They both blew a power structure!!
To catch Osama Bin Laden, Grandpa sez:
Spray Afghanistan with Viagra and the little prick will pop up!
Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden collect goat shit?
A. Because it`s a great growing culture for anthrax, and it makes terrific deodorant.
Q. Why did Osama fire Martha Stewart?
A. She was unable to find fabric that went with stalagmites.
Q. What do you call a Taliban with a goat and a sheep?
A. Bisexual.
Q. Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Ed.?
A. They only had one camel.
Q. What`s another name for the DaisyCutter bomb?
A. The TaliWhacker.
Q. Why do the Taliban wear robes?
A. A goat can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q. Know what the Taliban do for fun?
A. Sit around and get more...

Twas the night before Payback...

' Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your ass, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.

And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, more...