Taliban Jokes

You know you're Taliban if...

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You've ever had a crush on your neighbour's goat.

Sung to the tune of "Day-O" (The Banana Boat Song)Day-O... oh Day-O, Air force come and they flatten your homeRun Mr Taliban, we know where you're hiding, Air force come and they flatten your homeHey USA, USA, USA... Air force come and they flatten you home60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters, Air force come and they flatten your homeOld Uncle Sam's pissed, he ain't no quitter, Air force come and they flatten your homeWhen we finish you all be crying, Air force come and they flatten your home, Pilot is brother of New York firemanAir force come and they flatten your home

THE NIGHT BEFORE RAMADAN
by Kurl
'Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through Kabul,
With the Taliban facing the end of their rule;
Bin Laden was crouching, all snug in his lair,
For soon he would hang in the town's public square;
As he hid in his cave, dirt and rocks for his bed
Our brave Special Forces will soon hand him his head;
And then deep in his bunker, a THUNDEROUS CLAP!
As Osama prepared for the ultimate nap.
As our B-52s did relentlessly batter,
All his troops and companions attempted to scatter.
From their cavernous fortress, a near blinding flash,
And the Taliban soldiers became corned beef hash.
In December, Afghanistan's covered in snow,
Will it slow our campaign? Hell, the answer is NO!
Our resolve, it is strong, and our mission is clear,
As we wipe off their faces that most hideous sneer.
It will not be tomorrow, it may not be quick,
For these goons spawn from evil, their motives are more...

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's more...

"Terrorist training camps looked a lot nicer in the brochure"
"I didn't join the Taliban, I was interning for the Taliban"
"I lost a Super Bowl bet"
"Dazzled by the Taliban commercials that aired during one of Kathie Lee's Ramadan specials"
"What kid doesn't grow up dreaming of being the next Mullah Omar?"
"Al Qaeda? Oh man, I thought I was fighting for Ralph Nader"
"Since when is fighting against your country with an evil terrorist regime considered treason?"
"Got tired of wearing clean clothes and not getting shot at"
"Like you've never joined an international terrorist ring!"
"Oh, I thought this was a paintball game"
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