Soldier Jokes

A young Marine and his commanding officer climbed on board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. The only place they could find to sit was right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it became obvious that the young woman and the young soldier were interested in each other, but the young woman kept glancing nervously at her grandmother.

Soon the train passed into a pitch black tunnel. There was the sound of a passionate kiss followed by the sound of a stinging slap. When the train emerged from the tunnel, the four sat there without saying a word.

The grandmother thought to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, and I'm glad she slapped him."

The commanding officer sat there thinking: "I figured he'd try to steal a kiss, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and more...

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?'

He didn't immediately understand her remark but later on he glanced down and saw his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. He called her in and asked,' By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did notice the soldier standing at attention?'

' Why, no Mr. Smith,' she replied sweetly,' all I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.'

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again."
Soldier: "Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens. Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune. But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his more...