Osama Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common? They both irritate Bush.

Osama sends letter to bush after numerous rounds of, "we don't even know if osama is still alive," osama himself decided to
Send george w. A letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it
Appeared to contain a coded message: 370h ssv-0773h bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to colin powell.
Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the cia. No one could solve it so it went to the nsa and then to
Mit and nasa and the secret service and to m15 in britain. Eventually they asked south africa's scorpions for help. The
Scorpions cabled the white house: "tell the president he is looking at the message upside down."

From: Bin Laden, Osama To: Cavemates Subject: The CaveHi guys. We`ve all been putting in long hours but we`ve really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no `I` in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can`t forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns. First of all, while it`s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don`t want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily. I`ve posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it`s not often I make a video address but when I do, I`m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we`re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we`re taping. Thanks. Third point, and this more...

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 ” thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of more...

REPORTER (to Barack Obama): At the Academy Awards, Jon Stewart made fun of the fact that your last name, Obama, sounds like Osama, the name of the most hated man on the planet. What is your reaction? BARACK OBAMA: Besides the unfortunate name similarity, Osama Bin-Laden and I have nothing in common. One of us is a confident, ethnic man with devoted supporters and a clear vision for the future, and the other is about to be elected President.

US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.After fifteen minutes speaking he says: 'I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says: 'I have four questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says: 'I have six questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early? 6. Where is Bobby?

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the
pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind, "You wanted to end the Americans'
liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed the
Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a
large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke,
James Monroe and 65 other 18th century American revolutionaries. As he
writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back
toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he
screams, "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel more...