Own Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top 11 Reasons Why Computer Geeks Make Better Husbands
(and Fathers). The following was in the "Celebrations" section of the San Jose Mercury News. Ordinary people enter short
articles stating why their friends or loved ones should
be considered to be extraordinary.
1 Computer geeks require little mirror time (unlike the marketing guy I used to date).
2 You never have to worry about shopping for birthdays or Christmas -- a Computer Literacy gift certificate will do just fine.
3 No need to buy expensive work clothes--a couple pairs of jeans and Dockers will carry your computer geek for about two years.
4 I was the first woman on the block to have my own e-mail address.
5 My shopping list has been on a spreadsheet for about
three years now.
6 Computer geeks never go carousing at bars--just Fry's Electronics.
7 Computer geeks actually know how to program VCRs.
8 The biggest argument at our house: Mac vs PC.
9 more...
There once was an old man aged 50, who had a lazy son aged 30. The son couldn't earn his own living, and still depended on his old father for food and clothing. The old man was very worried about him, so he took him to the fortune teller to have his fortune told. The father and son both belie the fortune teller's prediction that the father would live to 80 and the son to 62. After having found out how long they were going to live the son was very sad. His father comforted him. "Don't be so sad! You are only 30 now, and still have 32 years of good days ahead of you." "I'm not worrying about my own age. It's just your age which causes me great anxiety," the son said. Upon hearing his words, the father was deeply moved, and in tears said, "Don't worry about me so much I've got 30 years ahead of me too." "I'm not worried about your age either," said the son, "I have figured out that you'll die two years earlier than I. So whom will I depend on more...
A blonde named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever Million dollars if you get it right. .. but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........
A - Robin, B - Sparrow, C - Cuckoo, D - Thrush.
"Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.
Barbara: " I think I know who it........ but I'm not 100%....No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn."
(ringing)
Carol (also a blonde): more...
Reasons why it's great to be a man: Your butt is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a crap if no one notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work. .. more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?" One more...
Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
Anytown USA (Offices around the World)
FEATURES
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video Inputs
Dual Audio Inputs
Audio Output
Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
Auto Search for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Auto Sleep When Not in Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Self Cleaning
Production Details
After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.
These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...
Pennsylvania Road System Slogans
1. If you can build a better highway, we`d like to see it!
2. Potholes.... Shmotpoles!
3. Highway numbers go to the highest bidder!
4. Land of 10, 000 potholes.
5. We don`t repair roads, we destroy them!
Bumpy roads, tale me home, to the place I belong,
Pennsylvania, land of potholes, take me home.
I hear the car as it rattles down the highway,
Each bump tearing at its springs and shocks.
And each thump and groan reminds me,
The garage bill is coming soon some day.
You know you`re from Pennsylvania if...
You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled more...