Pack Jokes / Recent Jokes

Women especially love a bargain. The question of' need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a more...

A man and a woman made passionate love in the back seat of his car, in the process they managed to throw all of the clothes out the window and down a steep cliff. After the sex the woman asked for a pack of cigarettes, the guy said but Im naked and all of my clothes are at the bottom of the cliff. She convinced the man to get the cigarettes, and to act like a statue when some comes near him.
So the man got two packs of cigarettes when a car of three nuns pulled up. He freeze like a statue like the woman said. The first nun came up to the man and pulled on his penis until he dropped a pack of cigarettes then said oh! a cigarette dispenser. Then the second nun comes up to the man and pulled on his penis which made him drop the second pack of cigarettes the nun said oh! a cigarette dispenser. The last nun came up to the man and pulled on his penis, and pulled, and pulled then she said oh! a soap dispenser.

Which condom would you use?
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>Nike Condoms: Just do it.
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>Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
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>Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
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>Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
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>Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
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>Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten millon strong and growing.
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>Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman.
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>Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
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>Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
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>Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
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>Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
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>New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey... you never know.
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>California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
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>Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
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>KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
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>Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
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>Lays Condoms: more...

A carpet layer had justfinished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entirefloor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet. "

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm more...

1. In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
2. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
3. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
4. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
5. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.
6. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
7. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that more...

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box.&qu