Package Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is a REAL recipe for a rather tasty, but disgusting looking cake.



Ingredients:



1 18. 5-ounce package spice cake mix

1 18. 5-ounce package white cake mix

2 4-serving packages instant vanilla pudding mix

1 12-ounce box vanilla wafer cookies, crushed

6 to 10 Tootsie Rolls

Confectioner's sugar

1 brand-new kitty litter pan

1 brand-new plastic pooper scooper

Green food coloring

Plastic flies (optional)



Prepare the cakes and pudding according to package directions. Crumble the baked cake into the kitty litter pan, then add the pudding and mix. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of the cookie crumbs and set aside; mix the rest into the pan. Soften the Tootsie Rolls by placing in the micro- wave for 10 seconds on high and shape to resemble cat droppings. Arrange the Tootsie Rolls on top of the cookie-pudding more...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125, 000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

    Reaching the end of a jobinterview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for.
    "Inthe neighborhood of $140, 000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
   "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, fullmedical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company carleased every 2 years... say, a red Corvette?"
   "Wow! Are you kidding?"
   "Yeah, but you started it."

The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you wonder why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on geography)...

- I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted' I know it is real, I see people check in every week!'

- Also, I really did have someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

- A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked,' would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?'

- I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with' I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.' Without trying to make her look like the more...

1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."Her response was "click."
4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, more...

Little Timmy is playing on the street when he spots a package of Viagra pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognizes the possibilities and approaches his daddy, "Dad, I just found these, and I'm willing to sell them to you for $100 straight."
"Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical health and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask Grandpa."
So Timmy walks over and asks his grandfather, "Gramps, I will sell you this package of Viagra for $100."
"Oh, thanks Timmy, but are you sure these will work?" asked his grandfather.
"Gee, I don't know," said Timmy. "But they do look like the ones that were shown on TV!"
"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll try them tonight and if they work okay, I'll give you the money tomorrow."
The next morning, Timmy visits his grandfather again, and Gramps hands over $500 without hesitation. Timmy is perplexed, "But more...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"And the HR Person said, "Certainly,. ..but you started it."