Paddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten
other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room.
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd
recognize her anywhere!"
Paddy was standing at the bar with a Rottweiler at his feet.
'Does your dog bite, Paddy?' asked Mick.
'No,' replied Paddy.
So Mick went to pat the dog and the dog just about tore Mick's arm off.
'I thought you said your dog didn't bite,' screamed Mick.
'That's not my dog,' replied Paddy.
Paddy was the most intelligent man in Ireland. He was the president of the Irish branch of Mensa and he had won a million pounds on Who wants to be a Millionaire, and was Professor of astrophysics at the Paddy Institute of Technology.
One day, he was in the pub and his mates were telling him that he should appear on Mastermind, the quiz where the most intelligent men on the planet, show their superior brainpower. So he filled in the forms and sure enough was called up, and over to London he went to appear on the show.
The moment came when he was called up to the chair, to be questioned.
"Paddy, what is your specialist subject?"
"Irish History."
"Paddy your minute starts now. Who was the leader of the Irish Revolution?"
"Pass."
"In what year was the revolution?"
"Pass."
"How many men died during the Easter Revolution?"
"Pass."
"What was the name of the more...
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly
wandered by.
"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the
strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no
avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi
can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get
some help."
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help
if I pull me feet out of the stirrups?"
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.
"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"
Paddy is looking very miserable, so one of his friends goes up to him to see what is wrong.
"What's wrong Paddy?" asks the friend.
"It's a bad day for my family," says Paddy, "I've just heard that my father died this morning."
Naturally the friend is very sympathetic, and tries to console Paddy. Then the phone rings and Paddy goes to answer it. When he comes back he is looking even more upset and the tears are streaming down his cheeks.
"What's wrong now paddy?" asks the friend.
"This truly is a bad day for my family," he replies, "That was my brother on the phone, and HIS father has died too!"
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by.
“Help! ” Paddy shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’! ” Don’t worry, ” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there. ”
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, “Shure, an’ Oi can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get some help. ”
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called “Mick! Mick! D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups? ”