Paddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is
illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen
retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed
to carry five persons."
"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

Paddy and Mick were watching a John Wayne film on TV. In one scene John Wayne was riding madly towards a cliff.' I'll bet you $10 he falls over that cliff' said Paddy.
' Done,' said Mick.
John Wayne rode straight over the cliff. As Mick handed over his $10, Paddy said' I feel a bit guilty about this, I've seen the film before.'
' So have I,' said Mick,' but I didn't think that he would be stupid enough to make the same mistake twice! '

Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. "Paddy," says Murphy, "I've got a problem.""What's the matter?" replies Paddy"Oi've bought a jigsaw and it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges.""What's the picture of?" asks Paddy"It's of a big cockerel," Murphy replies. Paddy says, "Alroight, Murphy, Oi'll come over and have a look."He gets to Murphy's house and Murphy opens the door. "Oh thanks for coming Paddy." He leads Paddy into the kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. Paddy looks at the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says, "For God's sake Murphy, put the cornflakes back in the packet."

(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window! "OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North""Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were over the English Channel now. The more...

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern."Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.""Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

Due to the sad death of Paddy, the bar to all intents and purpose, will remain closed during our grief, but so as not to inconvenience our esteemed customers, the door will remain ajar. Tis what Paddy wanted.
Thank you.
Donnachie family.

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.
Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask " how did you catch those? "
Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!
So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try.
They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend "hold my legs now Paddy".
Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries.. "pull me up, pull me up!!"
Paddy asks " do you have a fish Sean?"............
No replies Sean, "there's a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!"