Painful Jokes

Joe was sitting in his favorite bar having a few beers after work, when a beautiful woman sat down next to him. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place her." Hi, Joe", she said. "I haven't seen you in a long time." Joe was puzzled. "Charlie, is that you?" What are you doing dressed up like a woman?" "Well, Joe. It's a long story, but the bottom line is that I always felt like a woman trapped in a man's body, so I finally decided to do something about it. After a number of operations, I am now a woman." Joe was initially shocked, but after admiring Charlie's breasts, he said, "Damn, Charlie, I bet it was pretty painful to have those implants put in." "Yeah, but that wasn't the most painful part." Joe's gaze lowered, and he got a sick feeling in his stomach. "Oh shit. You mean you had your penis and testicles cut off? I bet that was awful." "Yes, that was pretty painful, but that wasn't the more...

An adolescent daughter asks her mother, "Mom, we've been studying sex education and childbirth in school, and I'm kind of worried about the whole thing. I mean, is it terribly painful to have a baby?"

"Well," her mother replies "I'll give you an idea of how painful it is and you can judge for yourself: put your top lip between your teeth and bite down like you're chewing on a piece of gum..."

The daughter complies, and a moment later she announces, "Oh, well that's not too bad."

"...Okay, now,"continues her mother "pull your lower lip all the way over the back of your head like a shower cap!"

A man walks into a tattoo parlour, and asks the tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a hundred dollar bill on his penis. The tattoo artist, being a sensitive man, refuses, telling the man that it would be too painful to do that.

The man insists on having it done, so the tattoo artist tells him that if he can come up with three good reasons to have it done, he would do it.

The man tells him, " One, I like to play with my money. Two, I like to watch my money grow. And three, my wife will blow a hundred bucks everyday!"

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that? " she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about baseball?" She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"