Painting Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just cant do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
I`ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately. Extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.
What is the difference between Jesus and an Oil Painting?
-It only takes one nail to hang an oil painting
There's a blonde and a brunette working for a painting company. They need to paint the yellow lines on a road by hand for the city since the trucks are broken.
The first day the blonde paints 5.4 miles of road, the brunette paints 6 miles of road.
The second day the blonde paints 4.1 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.7 miles of road.
The third day the blonde paints 2.9 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.9 miles of road.
Worried about the blonde, the supervisor goes to the blonde and asks why she is painting less and less road each day.
She replies, "The bucket just keeps getting further and further away."
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee
hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.The lamp just sat there, more...
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT more...
A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man replies. "I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, more...