Painting Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a Blonde and her husband.

One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.

When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"

The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT. . . Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price? Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint? Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday. Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding! Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available. Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it! more...

What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa!

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The famous British one-eyed Admiral was Nelson
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The earlier name of Sri Lanka was Ceylon
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The UNO was formed in the year 1945
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UNO stands for United Nations Organisation
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The independence day of South Korea is celebrated on 15th August
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'Last Judgement'was the first painting of an Italian painter named Michelangelo
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'Paradise Regained' was written by John Milton
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The first President of Egypt was Mohammed Nequib
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The first man to reach North Pole was Rear Admiral Peary
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The most famous painting of Pablo Picasso was Guernica
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The primary producer of newsprint in the world is Canada
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The first explorer to reach the South Pole was Cap. Ronald Amundson
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The person who is called the father of modern Italy is Giuseppe Garibaldi
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World literacy day is celebrated on 8th September
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The founder of modern Germany is Bismarck
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The country more...

A well known modern artist was commissioned to do his interpretation of Custer's Last Stand. After spending two years on the gigantic painting, a big ceremony was held for its unveiling.
The entire art community, the press and members of the government were all present, eagerly awaiting the moment when the curtain would be drawn, unveiling the painting. Finally, all the guests sat down and the sheet covering the canvas was drawn and a shocked silence filled the room.
In the center of the painting stood a large cow with a halo, surrounded by thousands of Indians, all engaged in various sorts of sex.
On one in the room new quite how to react when a reporter for the times stood up und addressed the artist, "Sir, could you please explain the imagery in this painting. I'm afraid I don't understand much about modern art."
"Sure thing," said the artist, "This painting represents my conception of what was going through General Custard's mind at the more...

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay".
Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" every time he sees Shahrukh.

Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.

Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained in every dance sequence in the world.

The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in the CD.

The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.

The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.

The infamous lovemaking in more...

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for more...