Painting Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple is at an Art exhibition, and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men, sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis, and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist walks by and says "Can I help you with this painting. I'm the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have black penises."
The artist says "Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch.

One March day my wife said that the house needed painting. "It's still winter," I replied. "Forget it."
In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex. I said that it was still too cold to paint.
In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help, and we set up the ladder so she could start painting. Then I went inside to get a beer. As I sat in a lawn chair not far from where my wife was working, a neighbor passed by. "Aren't you ashamed?" she asked. "How can you sit there drinking beer while your wife is up on a ladder painting the house?"
Glancing up at my wife, I responded, "She doesn't like beer."

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.
One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.
He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.
It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.
The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, more...

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in Bollywood? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!
* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he sees Shahrukh.
* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.
* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world.
* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not more...

Ever wondered what would be in " Titanic " if the same was made by Subhash Ghai.
The name of the movie? " Naav Doobta hai. Pyaar Doobta Nahin". Well here it goes!

1] The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that
have a court scene full of people or a Janta basti full of janta.

2] Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack. Madhuri's
name would be Phool and Shahrukh's name would be Chakh. (Alphabet "a"
deliberately left out)

3] The Titanic would be sailing from Madh Island to the Gateway of India.

4] Madhuri would be dancing in the rain with Shahrukh in tow.

5] Rose's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime
he sees Shahrukh.

6] Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom AaBaap Singh on the ship.
Shahrukh also gets his sister nanhi gudiya.

7] The movie more...

Have you ever wondered what it would be if "Titanic was made in Bollywood?
The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!
Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJJJJ Jack.
Madhuri’s fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters “bad man” everytime he sees Shahrukh.
Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship’s captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.
Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world.
The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the more...

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play more...