Painting Jokes / Recent Jokes

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the
first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!".
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?".
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

A husband comes home and sees his wife painting the livingroom, but she had her raincoat and her fur coat on. He asks her why she has her coats on? She replies, "I read the can, and it said for best results put on two coats."

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.
Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.
After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.
The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"

A woman calls a painting contractor to her house to give her a quote on painting the interior. She takes him into the first room and says she'd like it painted pale blue. The contractor jots something down on his note pad, goes to the window and yells out, 'green side up'.
The woman takes him to the next room and says she'd like that one painted a pale pink. Again, the contractor jots it down, goes over to the window and yells out, 'green side up'.
Although curious, the woman continues to show him the rest of the house. In each room, the contractor takes note of her color choice, goes to the window and yells out, 'green side up'.
When they completed the tour, the woman asked the contractor why he always yelled 'green side up' whenever she told him her color choices, since all the colors were different.
Laughing, the contractor replied, "I have a crew of blondes across the street laying down sod."

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!". In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?". "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

It was a hot summer day and two nuns were painting a room in the convent.
As there was no air conditioning the heat soon became unbearable. The first nun said that they should remove their clothes so that they would be cooler.
The second said what if someone should come?
The first said we'll lock the door and then we will be safe. So they lock the door and continue painting when there is a knock on the door.
The first nun asks who it is and the reply comes back "It is the blind man."
The two nuns confer and decide that the blind man can't see anything and let him in, at which time the man says "Nice tits sisters, where do you want these blinds?"