Pakistani Jokes / Recent Jokes
A PAKISTANI umpire raised his finger skyward as if signalling a batsman out lbw. The batsman remonstrated angrily "Why did you give the out signal when I am not out?"
The umpire replied coolly, "My dear fellow, I did not mean to signal out for you, I was only pointing to Allah who is merciful, beneficent and the final judge."
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance.
For every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes....
And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha... that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation.
It has understanding and more...
There was once a Indian and a Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward more...
Pak dictator Zia is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address.
Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits it.
Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Zia climbs out also to see what is going on.
The chauffeur, very distressed by what he's done asks Zia what they should do, and Zia tells him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.
All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Zia whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.
Zia agrees before hurrying to the podium, and more...
Englishman: Throws his mug away and walks out
American: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian: Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Pakistani: Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.
General Zia driving round Islamabad came across long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad.
He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people wanted to leave the country.
No sooner did people see their President with them they left the queue to return to their homes.
President Zia asked them why they were doing so. They replied: "If you are leaving Pakistan there is no need for us to go."
This married couple is on holiday in Pakistan. They're touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop. From inside they hear a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say " you, foreigners! come in, come into my humble shop. salam a leekem! (hello in english) So the married couple walks in.
The Pakistani man says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife after hearing this is really interested in buying the sandals, but her husband feels he really doesn't need them, being the sex god he is.
The husband tells the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak".
The Pakistani man replies, "just try them on."
Well, the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally concedes to try them on. The husband tries them on and gets this wild look in his eyes, more...