Panda Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors. The judge looked at Chin-Chin's lawyer and proclaimed, "Thirty eyewitnesses saw your client pay for dinner, shoot up the place, and leave. Security cameras caught the entire incident on video. I have no choice but to sentence your client. .." "Wait a second, your honor," said the lawyer, "My client may be guilty, but there are extenuating circumstances. He couldn't help his behavior that night, and if you look up the word' panda' in the dictionary, you'll have no choice but to agree." The judge was puzzled, but he had his secretary bring his dictionary into court. There, under the letter P, he found; "PANDA: Black and white bear from China that eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich! ” The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey, I’m a PANDA! Look it up! ”
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a pub and sits down for a drink. While he's downing his pint, he looks across and sees a beautiful woman at the end of the bar, so he pulls up a stool next to her. They talk for awhile and hit it off.
Then the panda says," God, I could go for a bite to eat," and the woman says she will buy him a meal. Back at her place after the fulfilling meal, one thing leads to another, and the panda ends up having sex with the woman.
In the morning as the panda is about to leave, the woman says to him, "Hey wait a sec, I'm a prostitute." Seeing the baffled expression on the Panda's face she tells him to look it up in the dictionary.
So the Panda looks up "prostitute," and the definition says, "Takes money for sex."
After reading this, the panda relaxes and says, "That's all right because I'm a panda."
The woman, confused, looks up "panda" in the dictionary and reads the definition: "Eats more...

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!" So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads "Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves."

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up' prostitute.' The definition reads:' A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay.'
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up' panda.' The definition reads:' An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.
The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.
The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you’re just going to leave? ”
The panda bear answers calmlly, “I’m a panda bear. ” The bartender says, “Yeah, so? ” The panda bear replies, “Look it up, ” and walks out the door.
The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up “panda bear, ” and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.
He reads the caption, which says, “Panda Bear–a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves. ”